I'm lazy, so I'm just copying and pasting chatlogs like this is tumblr or some shit

See title.

Happy New Year

I think the world was supposed to end or something, but I was asleep when it happened.

Oh well, maybe I'll catch it next year.

Power Rangers

I'm going to review a game. Instead of a detailed analysis, have some screenshots of a black guy jumping around like an idiot.

Score:

The game is scored in the categories of Graphics, Playability (controls, how much I want to punch babies after playing, whether or not it brings losts out of my television to haunt me, etc.), Audio, and finally Fun.

Afterwards, I'll disregard all the other scores, and arbitrarily assign another one that is in no way calculated off of the scores in each individual category. Mostly because I hate doing math. Fun and Playability would probably be the most important two, if I actually gave a shit.

Graphics - Who the fuck cares. It's a goddamn SNES game.

Playability - Pretty much every character is fucking horrible, besides the black guy (He has a fucking axe, and knows how to dance). And Billy is goddamn awful, even when compared to everyone else. Other than that, the controls are okay, usually.

Audio - Go, go, Power Rangers bitches.

Fun - All of my yes, besides the stupid Megazord fight. That was a fucking bitch and a half. Did I mention cars explode when you punch them? Because they do. And blowing up cars with your fist is the definition of fun.

Final Score - This game receives the Rellim's Seal of Oh My God Fucking Awesome

And yes, I did just score a game without using any sort of numeric device. Go fuck yourselves.

Rellim's Worktime Adventures

So, we finally got a couple of new employees at work. Which is great, because I'm tired of doing everything by myself. The only problem is I have to train them and crap. Which is dumb for both of us, because I'm the worst teacher ever.

Anyway, jump time. Because can.

Bridges

I wanted to do something with bridges, so naturally I went to Google, and then I searched for "Bridges of America."

Surely that would get me a list of the more popular and well-known bridges you can find in the United States!

Nope.

We don't actually have bridges!

Apparently Bridges of America is some dumb site that has nothing to do with bridges. Or America for that matter. Sure it's for people that live in America, but it has nothing to do with actual America itself.

For a site called Bridges of America, there are, from what I can tell, absolutely no bridges at all, let alone bridges that can be found in America. Granted, I only spent about a minute on the page, because that's how long it took me to skim the mission statement and determine that the site was about substance abuse or something I equally don't care about. Either way, there's probably no bridges to see, so I'm gone.

Because I'm lazy, I didn't bother going farther than that and gave up the project. Yeah, fuck you too.

Oh right, before I forget.

*Ahem*

That picture belongs to Bridges of America. Or something. I dunno. Anyway, it's not mine. Please don't sue me. I don't have any money anyway. If I did, I'd host a real website instead of using a shitty free blog thing.

This Is Why We Don't Get Along

I had a short lived conversation with my sister recently.

Sister: Do you like "Of Mice and Men?"

 Me: Yeah. I like that book a lot.

Sister: It's not a book idiot. It's a band.

Me: ...

That pretty much sums it up.

Loans & Ramen

I gave a co-worker a few dollars so he could afford to refuel his shitty vehicle that still manages to be better than mine somehow.

He paid me back in full. With packs of instant ramen equivalent to what I lent him.

Considering packs of instant ramen are like 18 cents around here, I now have a mountain of instant fucking ramen. I have so much fucking ramen I don't even know what the fuck to do with it all. I certainly can't eat all of it. I would die.

I HAVE SO MANY OF THOSE LITTLE PACKETS OF FLAVORED SALT, THAT I COULD COMMIT SUICIDE BY FORCING MYSELF INTO THE ULTIMATE SALT-INDUCED SEIZURE! RED TEXT! ARRRGHHHH!

And if that doesn't kill me, I can still boil up the noodles and make a huge-ass noose out of them all to hang myself from a really tall building.

It's pretty bad when you have so much ramen that the only things you can think of to do with it all involves someone's death.

Fortunately I'm not suicidal, so if anyone were to die, it would probably be the guy that gave me all this ramen in the first place.

And before the FBI break into my house convinced that I'm a crazy serial killer, I'm not actually going to kill myself or anyone else. Get the fuck over yourselves. Who the fuck goes around killing people with the contents of a package of instant ramen?

...

Hold that thought. I have to go see if anyone's ever been murdered with a pack of ramen.